The kin who took care of me when I was little.

The loved one who fed me dinner.

The Grandma who gave me so much love.

Why is it that only when she moved on do I regret not spending enough time with her?

Seeing her lying motionless in the coffin as though she was asleep, she had grew so thin. So thin.. Memories of when I was a toddler raced across my mind. The times she came back from the market in the morning with bags of heavy grocerries and breakfast. The times she prepared lunch and dinner. The times she napped every afternoon. The times she watched TV with us. The times she whacked me for my own good. The times she showered us with love and concern.

The few nights during the wake, I lay beside the coffin and slept with her. I couldn’t feel anything till the day came when she was sent to be cremated. Aunties overwhelmed with sadness. Uncles putting on a brave front. I couldn’t help but wept uncontrollably in silence.

The smell of Grandma. The smile on her face. The unconditioned love she showered us with.

As the coffin moved closer to the furnace, it was then that I realized I can never see or care for Grandma again.

The reality pierced though my heart.

There is so much to say, but I couldn’t put them into words. There is so much regret, but that wouldn’t bring Grandma back to us.

There is so much tears, so much regrets.

I’m not good at expressing myself verbally or in writing.

But we love you very much, Grandma. I know you’ll be watching us from above in Heaven, safeguarding us from all troubles..

May you rest in peace and be spared from all sufferings.

To think I only came across this 祝福 almost a month after  my birthday. Now you know how often I read your blog. =x

Nevertheless, I really appreciate your wishes and that’s the reason why I screenshot it down. =)

I need you to know that I cherish our friendship too!

——————————————————–

Been quite awhile since SHE last called me. Told me SHE broke up with HIM (again). SHE‘s really devastated this time round. Having being cheated on once and again, I doubt SHE can fully recover from this relationship. At least not in the near future. SHE said I was lucky I left HIM early.

Time and again, SHE discovered HIM cheating on HER. Time and again, HE left HER with a broken heart.

After so many chances. After so many forgiveness. Hasn’t HE learnt from his mistakes? Why is HE always asking for forgiveness when HE is making the same mistakes over and over again? Each time, the ugly truth wriggles its way into sight. Each time, it gets from bad to worse.

I know. If HE ever reads what is posted here, HE is bound to lash it out at me for poking my nose in.

Heck it.

As we spoke on the phone with HER sobbing away, there is no way I can fully understand how much pain HE has caused HER. The one thing I can do, is to lend HER a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear.

I know I’m in no position to step in and comment on their relationship. But it brings me memories which I thought I have forgotten. Memories which I had buried deep inside me.

The tears.

The joy.

The happiness.

The anger.

The hatred.

As I read through the dairy I wrote for HIM, I feel no signs of regret being with HIM even though it’s relatively a short relationship. 

I know, somewhere inside me, the feelings for HIM still exists.

And to you, My Love, I want you to know and need you to know that I’m really grateful you were there for me when I needed you most. I’m really sorry for the stuffs I said last week and I’m sure you know I said it in a fit of anger.

I sincerely apologize and I hope we can get back to where we used to be.

You know who you are and you know I Love You, You and You!

压力不是来自于工作，而是你. 难道你要我像她那样把你捧上天，才算是会做事？

时间，休息，沉思，陪我爱的家人与朋友. 这些事，好陌生.

好累. 很想好好的休息一番.

把烦恼抛在脑后. 把压力抛向大海.

无意中，把这些压力转为怒火发泄在你们身上.

对不起，我爱的人.

请原谅我.

请等我收拾好心情向你们道歉.

There’s so many things I wanted to blog about. From D & D 2009, to dinners with Wenfang, and of course the wonderful times I went out with Melvin and friends. But I just don’t have the time and engery to come online, read emails and blog. I wanna rest, nua and get more sleep.

Oh well, I’ll just throw in some photos randomly.

D & D 2009

Favourite Pics for the Night

Ok.. So D & D is over and done with. What’s up next? Dinners with darling Wenfang? Oh man.. There’s pictures of food and more food! Let’s reserve some space for the pics. Upload it the next time I get it done.

RESERVED FOR FOOD!

Then there’s the Chinese New Year Heng Kang at my workplace.

 Let me tell you, this year will be a very lucky year for me!

Know why?

I won the 8th prize at the D & D dinner this year (last year I didn’t even smell any $10 vouchers). $1000 NTUC vouchers! Gave it to mum. She spent most of it on CNY goodies anyway. And, the Heng Kang on 2nd Day of CNY, which happens to be my Lunar Birthday too, we betted 4D with the numbers we got from the joss sticks. It  came out 1st prize the following evening!

OMG, can you believe it? Never in my life have I felt so lucky before.. Btw, don’t try to squeeze me on the 1st prize. I bought the wrong pair of number for myself.

-,-”

Anyway, the most important reason why I’m updating today is because I wanna thank everyone who wishes me Happy Birthday ytd and of course, my dearest F4.

I knew you guys would come my place to ‘surprise’ me. I know everybody’s tied up with their own life. And I really appreciate you guys for coming over even when I have made myself very clear that I didn’t want any celebration.

Thank you, my love. You know I appreciate it even though I’m “expression-less’.

I Love You.

<3

For the entire last week of 2008, I’ve been busy packing the office in Jurong East. Backache, feet pain, rough hands. Had been rushing work like a crazy mad girl. Pardon me if I haven’t been replying your msg-es or answering your calls cause I’m really super duper busy.

Went for dinner with WK last tuesday. I bought a new bag and guess what? A rabbit!

Adorable, isn’t it?

Haha.. But I didn’t buy the rabbit above la.

I bought a toy rabbit. It can store my pens (2pens. Maybe 3 if I squeeze them into him). Cute also right? It’s not a real life rabbit but it moves and dance! That is if I move it with my hands la. Haha.. Showed it to Wenfang and Ah Gim on wednesday. I kept playing with it and made them play with him and they think I’m crazy! No, I’m not! He’s just too adorable!

Wakaka..

It’s the 1st day of the year and here I am, trying to finish off work I brought home ytd as I couldn’t complete them. Completed Tuas site’s work and proceeded to Yishun site’s work. Halfway through, I realised I forgot to bring the blank forms home.

-,-

It’s 2009 and I’m still so sotong! Sianz ah.. I want to be smart! Give me the power of your brain!!!

Anyway, found this on my desktop in an Excel file. I’m supposed to key in my han yu pin yin name and they will analyse for me.

姓名的拼音: Hong Ziyun

性格水果: 西瓜

◆西瓜女孩：
　　感情来的快也去的快，容易变心
◆性格
　　爽朗、不做作是你的魅力，生气的事情绝不放到隔日，这是你受大家欢迎的主要原因。而你最大的特点就是拥有灵敏的直觉，从聊天当中就可以洞悉对方的想法，但是不擅于表达感情，因此虽然脸上露出笑容，但有时内心其实是寂寞地想哭的。在处事上非常容易半途而废，所以你应该鞭策自己，一旦决定的事情就要坚持到底才行。
◆恋爱结婚
　　你的魅力会让很多男生因此感到痛苦，因为恋情可能在极戏剧化的情况下展开，但在中途的时候，你的心又很容易转移到别的男生身上，是个用情相当不专的女生，一有人追求会立刻和他燃起热情，不过你的恋情却很难长时间维持。分隔两地的恋情虽然会让你一时感到痛苦，但跨国的婚缘或许反而能为你带来幸福也说不定，不妨尝试看看。

Quite true lo! My relationships all come fast go fast. And when I get angry over stuffs, the next morning when I wake up my anger is gone.

But I where got 花心? Don’t have hor! Ok, nvm. 花心就花心. Look at the last sentence! It’s trying to tell me to marry a foreigner. I want Ang Mo! As what I’ve always wanted!

Intro me your ang mo friends ok? Haha..

But people only give presents for Christmas ya? They give presents on New Year Eve too? Strange.. Anyway, I’m still happy.

Haha..

Thanks for everything you’ve done for me! And the presents too!

 求佛

 
 演唱: 誓言
 词曲: 陈超 编曲: 姜春植(韩国)
 录音师: 飞机 监制: 梁佳玉 合声: 中国妞妞
 录音棚: 丰收录音棚

 
 当月光洒在我的脸上
 我想我就快变了模样
 有一种叫做撕心裂肺的汤
 喝了它有神奇的力量
 闭上眼 看见天堂
 那是藏着你笑的地方
 我躲开无数个猎人的枪
 赶走坟墓爬出的忧伤
 为了你 我变成狼人模样
 为了你 染上了疯狂
 为了你 穿上厚厚的伪装
 为了你 换了心肠
 我们还能不能再见面
 我在佛前苦苦求了几千年
 愿意用几世换我们一世情缘
 希望可以感动上天
 我们还能不能能不能再见面
 我在佛前苦苦求了几千年
 当我在踏过这条奈何桥之前
     让我再吻一吻你的脸
     (心似浮云常自在，意如流水任东西)

 
 闭上眼 看见天堂
 那是藏着你笑的地方
 我躲开无数个猎人的枪
 赶走坟墓爬出的忧伤
 为了你 我变成狼人模样
 为了你 染上了疯狂
 为了你 穿上厚厚的伪装
 为了你 换了心肠
 我们还能不能再见面
 我在佛前苦苦求了几千年
 愿意用几世换我们一世情缘
 希望可以感动上天
 我们还能不能能不能再见面
 我在佛前苦苦求了几千年
 当我在踏过这条奈何桥之前
 让我再吻一吻你的脸
 我们还能不能再见面
 我在佛前苦苦求了几千年
 愿意用几世换我们一世情缘
 希望可以感动上天
 我们还能不能能不能再见面
 我在佛前苦苦求了几千年
 当我在踏过这条奈何桥之前
 让我再吻一吻你的脸
 让我再吻一吻你的脸
 让我再吻一吻你的脸

It came on Sat. Was so excited when I received the package. But when I opened it, damn! It’s so big! At least 2 size bigger than what I’m wearing lo..

I cautiously measured myself and checked with the size chart before buying. But still so big! 

%&^*(&^*$%%@

Angmo really have big boobs lo. When I zipped up the dress, it practically drops when I release my hand. WTF. Ok, I know my boobs not big. But that’s really ridiculous ok.. I paid SGD$117.30 for the dress, SGD$24.32 for the shipping charges and SGD$35 for the alteration in Singapore!

That’s SGD$176.62! (I can practically hear Mel screaming at me now for spending so much on a dress. NOooooooo! Don’t scream at me! I can’t help myself!)

Man.. Can I wear back the dress I wore last year at D&D? It’s still in tip top condition and I barely have the chance to wear it since last year’s D&D. Aiya nvm. When you get married I’ll wear that to your wedding dinner.

Anyone getting married?

Should have gone for tailor made instead. So not worth lo.. Sianz. But nvm! Lesson learnt! Brought the dress to the tailor just now. So damn tired after work still have to rush like mad to the tailor to alter my dress.. Luckily the tailor very nice. Told me what she’s gonna do with my dress to fit me.

And OH! She’s gonna fit in 2cups for me so that I can go without bra! LOL! She even asked me if it’s heavy. Of course not! If it’s heavy I won’t need to bring it to her to alter! Awaiting for my altered dress next week! Hopefully the tailor don’t disappoint me with her skills..

Ermm.. Am I not supposed to mention the part about going out without bra?

O.O

Haha.. It’s Christmas day and here I am, sleeping and nua-ing all day long. Nope. I didn’t go out last night. Well, that is if you count me drinking tea at a coffeeshop with a colleague and chatting till 10pm as going out. Not in the mood to be in any celebration parties anymore.

I’ll tell you why.

As you guys know, the global economy is damn bad now. Retrenchment and recession going on everywhere. My firm(a construction company) could have do away with the retrenchment process if not for the “Big Box” project located next to the Jurong East MRT station whereby one of the investors/developers pulled out of the project.

I was one of those in the retrenchment list. Frankly, I admit I had not given 100% in my work. Perhaps 75%. There’s too much details and complications for me to go into. But really, there’re a few person I must thank. If they hadn’t choose me over the other girl, I guess I would be the one receiving the letter ytd. What a gift for Christmas..

For the past week, my colleagues have been discussing about two horses competing and racing against each other. Yup, the two horses they’re talking about is me and the other girl. A few of them have been assuring me that I would not be the one receiving the ‘gift’ cause I’m a better girl than she is. It is not the ‘gift’ I’m worried about. It’s the process of waiting which is scary. I rather they give the letter up front than to make us wait for the outcome. When I first heard of the news, I was worried. I was worried about being the one receiving it. But that was only for a day. When I woke up the next day, I wasn’t afraid of that anymore. If it’s meant to be me, I’ll accept it gracefully and leave. I do not want to make a fuss out of it or even bother anyone.

I have to thank my manager and my admin jie jie. Had my manager not strongly recommend to the Big Boss that I should be the one staying and that my admin jie jie chose her over me, I guess I’ll have to look for another job. I really owe them big time. Of course, I have to thank those supporting me for the past week too. They’ve been updating me on the progress of the entire thing.

To conclude, I must put in alot of efforts when I get back to work. I have to repay the people who supported me in this round of retrenchment. I can’t let them down.

Btw, because the girl is gone, I will be transferred under her Boss and be in a project in Yishun. He’s angry that they fired his ‘宝贝’. I have to prove to him that I can do better and am better than she is. You can’t feel the stress I’m facing.

——————————————————–

 Anyway, let me update some pics and stuffs:

07/12/08 – Cycling with Bro, Sharon and Gie

Went cycling on Sun night. Mel supposed to join us. But because of insufficient bikes, he couldn’t join us. Luckily he didn’t come. Else he’ll see 大嫂 fell off her bike. She’s not lucky like I was. The last time I fell off my bike in Yishun GV, I wasn’t injured or in pain. I guess it is the same Guardian Angel who protected me all these while just like the retrenchment case. 大嫂 hurt her knee and toe.

Coincidentally, my sis kicked herself on the other leg while walking and her toe toenail broke into half before she joined us on that day too.

Who says I’m always the clumsy one?

 ——————————————————–

08-12-08 – Fishhead Steamboat at Jalan Sultan

Wanted to celebrate Mum’s Birthday (falls on 11-Dec). Dad wanted us to go down visit Grandma since it’s been a long while we last saw her. Suggested that we bring her to have dinner as well. The place we had our dinner is just opposite my HQ in Jalan Sultan. Nice food. Should bring some friends down someday.

 ——————————————————–

13-12-08 – Steamboat at Liang Huat Building

Felt like having a BBQ/steamboat since Christmas is nearing. Suggested to Ah Gui and he says we can go Liang Huat(a building my company bought over) at Benoi Road to host one as we have our own Karaoke system there.

Went to work in the morning and Ah Gui fetched me to Giant to buy the stuffs needed for the dinner before we went back to Tuas to finish up our work. Headed back to Liang Huat in the late afternoon and started preparing the food. Didn’t manage to take any pic of the food. Too busy preparing..

I really sucks in throwing dart; whether on Mel’s LG phone or in reality.

 Wendy always tries to shun when I take pic. And yes, she’s the admin jie jie I’m talking about.

 Derrick the Sleeping Beauty after dinner. I wonder how he managed to fall alseep when everyone of us are singing and playing.

 I can’t help taking this pic. Why on earth would anyone sit on the floor looking for songs when the sofa is empty?

——————————————————– 

17-12-08 Random Pic

Came back from tea break and saw Paul’s Lorry. Asked Ah Gui to park real close to his lorry so that I can take an ‘accident’ pic.

Bo liao. I know.

That’s why it’s just a random pic to end the post.

Merry Christmas once again. =)